When Life Happens...aka Epic Failure and Coming to Terms with Guilt

Take a good long look at the date on my last post. Yup, you read it correctly. That does, in fact, say 'June 6, 2011.' I wanted to devote a year of my life to being happy, and I made it 8, (that's right, EIGHT!), fucking posts. *le sigh*

I haven't written a word on this blog in 10 months. 10 months that I went about my life, accepting changes (We moved!), understanding hardships (loss of loved-ones and ended friendships), dealing with sadness (Yes, D is deploying again), hurt, anger, shame...and the fun stuff too (don't worry kids, life isn't always as tough as it seems). The level of change and the crazy range of emotions of these past 10 months has been anything but ordinary. Maybe there IS something to be said for the in ordinary in the ordinary, or however you want to put it.

You want to hear the really crazy part though (Of course you do! That's why you read other people's blogs right? To make sure you're not the only messed up one out there?). Well, get ready to feel validated, the craziest part of the whole ENTIRE time that I was away is this: I FELT GUILTY! Seriously... I felt guilty almost every single day! Knowing that I was supposed to be on this magical journey of epic happiness enlightenment, and I didn't even have the time to do it. I mean, how dare I let real life get in the way of my happiness?!?!

"How dare I let real life get in the way of my happiness" <--- Just repeat that a few times and get used to how ridiculous it sounds. Wait for it, it will come to you...

I feel like a teacher writing on the chalkboard, "Now class, who can name all of the errors in this sentence?"

!. Happiness and Real Life HAVE to co-exist. It's impossible to be happy only away from your real life, and if you do find happiness, how the heck are you supposed to make it mesh with doing dishes, bathing kids, watching TV, and all those other things that just have to get done everyday.

Moral: You have to learn to be happy in everyday life, or you will wind up being miserable.

2. "How did 'I' let..." Really? How did 'I' let real life get in my way? As if we can control every single thing that makes up our 'real lives.' I'm not saying we don't control some aspects, that would be dumb on my part. But honestly, some things just do happen, and we can't control them.

Moral: Not only can we not control everything in our lives, but we have to learn how to be OK with not being able to control them.

3. This one is the one that hurts my heart the most. I said 'MY happiness.' Not the happiness of my children and family unit, or my husband and our marriage. Nope, I said my happiness. Happiness is for me, and it's mine, and I want it now, dammit. Wow! That sounds super wonderful and loving, right? I was so worried about all of the things that we had going on, not because of what could happen or how it could affect our lives, but because it was interfering with MY happiness. I feel so ashamed with myself. Even just reading that right now makes me sick with myself. What a yucky heart to say that. No wonder I need some happiness...

Moral: Personal happiness IS important, but not at the expense of those you hold dearest (whether it's family, close friends, spouse, partner, kids, etc).

Oh, and let's step back and talk about this guilt thing too. I felt guilty for not following The Happiness Project, but I also felt a lot of guilt because I wasn't blogging about it. Take a moment to laugh at my expense, it's cool, I'm laughing too. Here I am, wanting to find real and true happiness, for myself (and now that I know better, for my family too), and I'm freaking out because I haven't blogged about it. As if you guys would be lost without my kick-ass blog about being super amazing full of win...and tiger's blood... ;)

Seriously though, how narcissistic can I be? Maybe I should spend a little less time dusting my shoulders off and get over myself...

Who's keeping a running list of lovely attributes? Controlling - Check, Narcissistic - Check, Selfish - Check, Self-loathing - Double Check.... Insert another *sigh* here...

I don't know. Maybe the one good thing I have going for me is that I know that this list is NOT who I want to be, and I'm willing to change. Also, I've accepted failure and know how to dust off and move on (Extra points for referencing a previous point, woot).

I feel like a high school kid trying to get back with an ex... But, I want to keep pushing forward with my own happiness project, and I'd love to have you all along for the journey, if you'll have me?

Flaws, guilt, and all...

Don't Think too Hard...

Before I jump into the activities described in 'The Happiness Project' by Gretchen Rubin, I wanted to take the time to answer the questions that she hinted at in the excerpt from the 'Note to the Reader' section that I posted in yesterday's blog entry.

I want to see where I 'stand' so to speak, at the beginning of my own happiness project (without knowing the coming activities and information from the book to sway my answers), and see how I will measure these answers to ones from later on in the month, as well as the year.

*Disclaimer: I am a Christian. I'm not perfect - in fact, I am a sinner, and I understand that. My relationship with Jesus IS part of my life, and a lot of my happiness project *could* revolve around my walk with Christ and my personal religious beliefs. I will never (nor have I ever) 'push' my beliefs on any one of you. I don't believe that that is what God is asking of His followers, and I personally just think that forcing religion on others is gross. I also think it's one of the main factors in people choosing NOT to follow certain religions. So while I will never push my religion on anyone, I will also not stop posting about it, as it is a part of who I am. So if you are fine with reading about my beliefs as they pertain to my journey, then I welcome you and I encourage you to follow along. However, if you are uncomfortable, or just not interested in seeing posts that involve religion, then this blog may not be for you - NOT that I wish you to leave - I just wanted to be respectful enough to everyone to warn you all in advance*

First part: 'Identify what brings you joy, satisfaction, and engagement.'

JOY: This is where my religious beliefs come into play. As a Christian, I do not look at 'joy' as an emotion, feeling, or state of mind, etc. Joy, to me, is something that I have, no matter what the circumstances of my life may be. I have been blessed with 'joy' because I have accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, and thus, have been filled with the Holy Spirit. I know that no matter how many times I fail in my life, that I will be forgiven. I also know that I am saved, and that when my time on this earth ends, my eternal life in Heaven will begin. The presence of the Holy Spirit, accompanied by this knowledge is the 'joy' in a Christian's life.

SATISFACTION: The three main things in my life (at this point), that provide satisfaction are: My marriage, raising my children, and my business. (Although, as I stated in an earlier blog, these are not the only things in my life that I want to be known for, or gain satisfaction from).

I find satisfaction in marriage for the obvious reasons, like being in love with my husband. But I also enjoy the partnership it brings. My husband is my best friend, my advocate, and the person that I will experience the rest of my life with. Marriage is also a LOT of work, no matter how much you love each other. Having to engage myself and devote myself wholeheartedly to marriage brings me great satisfaction.

I find satisfaction in my children everyday! Parenting is one of the hardest things I have ever done, but it is also one of the most rewarding things I will ever do. Not only am I responsible for the health, welfare, growth, development, and every other thing that parents do for their children - as a Christian parent, I am also responsible for raising my children for the glory of God's kingdom.

I find satisfaction in my job in ways that I never even imagined. I have pretty much taught myself the ways of owning and running a business, doing countless hours of researching, reading book after book on everything from starting a business to the legal aspects, to marketing your brand. I also had to teach myself market specific details like FDA guidelines, formulating, studying all manner of ingredients including how they work and what they are used for, etc. I have worked incredibly hard on my business, and I think that my products, customer service, and number of loyal customers can attest to that. Knowing that I have built a brand and a business from the ground up, is not only satisfying, it is extremely empowering.

ENGAGEMENT: (Using the meanings, 'things that I am interested in, things that hold my attention'). Obviously, I am extremely interested in cosmetics and business, as I have my own cosmetics company. I am also addicted to reading. I very much enjoy being able to sit down with a good book and just lose myself in the story.

Second Part: Identify what brings you guilt, anger, boredom, and remorse.

GUILT: Honestly, what doesn't make me feel guilty? I feel guilty because I smoke, but I don't want to die and leave my husband or my children all alone. I feel guilty because we live out of state, so our children don't get to see their extended family very often. I feel guilty for being on the computer all day, even though I use it to work, go to school, and communicate with family and friends from back home. I feel guilty because I haven't gone to bed at the same time as my husband in maybe a year, because I stay up all night packaging orders. I feel guilty because I buy tons of makeup and beauty products, but then don't even use half of it. There are so many little things that I feel some type of guilt about...

ANGER: I'm angry that my house is never spotless, that my children misbehave, that we never have enough money. I'm angry that my husband works long hours and has to be away from home for weeks, months, even over a year at a time. I'm angry that I live so far away from my family, so I miss out on all of the traditions and even day to day things that I had while growing up. Hell, I'm even angry that I let so many things make me angry...

BOREDOM: I honestly think that I might have ADHD (although I have never been tested for it, nor am I qualified to diagnose myself lol). But seriously, I get bored so easily. My current snooze inducer? My college algebra class. Not only do I totally suck at math, but it's also really boring. Which totally sucks, because I need to study a LOT in order to pass this class, but reading chapters on algebra makes me literally want to pull my hair out!

REMORSE: Merriam-Webster's Dictionary defines 'Remorse' as "a gnawing distress arising from a sense of guilt for past wrongs"

If you had asked me a few years ago if I was remorseful about anything, I would have told you 'yes' a million times over. However, once I truly learned to let go and trust in God's forgiveness and in the compassion and mercy of others, I developed a sense of peace in my life (this also relates to joy). I can genuinely say that at this point in my life, I have no remorse. NOT because I have no past wrongs, but because I no longer have GUILT over those past wrongs.

Thinking about these short, specific questions, was actually really hard. I also found the 'good' things to be a lot more challenging to answer than the 'bad' ones, which I find really disappointing, but I'm not surprised. It is very easy to describe the bad things about one's self or one's life, but the 'good' parts don't stay in the front of our thoughts. This is something that I am hoping to change during my happiness project.

(ps...the really cute happy/sad photo in this post is not mine. It is property of it's owner, and I claim no ownership of said photo)

Rest Stop: What the Hell is a Happiness Project?

The book that my happiness project is based on is:

"The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun"
- by Gretchen Rubin

*If you are interested in this book, or have a copy and would like to use yours to follow along, please do!

I first want to share with you some small excerpts from the 'A Note To The Reader' section of the book.

'A "happiness project" is an approach to changing your life. First is the preparation stage, when you identify what brings you joy, satisfaction, and engagement, and also what brings you guilt, anger, boredom, and remorse. Second is the making of resolutions, when you identify the concrete actions that will boost your happiness. Then comes the interesting part: keeping your resolutions...Whenever you read this, and wherever you are, you are in the right place to begin.'

- The Happiness Project by Gretchin Rubin, from 'A Note To The Reader'

I felt that this was an important part of the book to share with you guys, because it describes exactly what a happiness project is, in Gretchen Rubin's own words.

Throughout this blog, I will be posting various excerpts from Gretchen Rubin's book. These may or may not be the same pieces of information that you would consider valuable (this is where having your own copy could greatly benefit you). However, the excerpts I post will be the passages that stand out to me the most, or provide the most information that I found/find useful on my own happiness journey.

For more information on starting your own happiness project, you can check out the official website here: The Happiness Project Toolbox

*I have also started a group for people to get together and discuss their own journeys towards happiness, whether it be a 'happiness project' or any other thing they may be doing to enrich their life. If you are interested in finding out more about happiness projects, or just want to join and follow along, you can request to join here: KIMBERLY'S GROUP

Once Upon a Time...there was a beautiful princess...

The year was 1983...

On a cold February morning in Indiana (Valentine's Day, to be exact - Oh, and 3 weeks later than I was due), my mother brought me into this world (and she can take me out of it! <- Who's mom didn't say this little gem to them lol). I entered a family of two young, but very loving, parents, an (almost) 3 year old older brother, and a close-knit and supportive extended family.

My parents named me Kimberly Eileen. My father wanted to name me Krystal, but my mom said "NO!" She thought that 'Kimberly' was such a beautiful name, and it also happened to be the name of all of the popular girls at her school (throwing me a little luck maybe?). They chose 'Eileen' because that is my mom's name, and even though she doesn't really like it, my dad loves it!

I had 10 fingers and 10 toes, and now...I had a name. I was their daughter, and they had all the plans in the world for me - hopes, and dreams, and love.

My parents didn't have a lot of money when my brother and I were young and my father was not home very much because he worked 4 jobs so that we could eat, and have new shoes for school, and warm beds every night... He even took me to Toys R Us all by myself one time, and bought me the Miss America Barbie with the sparkly blue dress and silver sash that I wanted so badly. And at 8 years old with a new doll in one hand and my daddy's hand in the other...God, it was the best day of my life...

*I have to stop here for a second and share something with you. I have said some hateful things in the past about how angry I was that my dad was never around, and how could a father chose work over his children. I always held fast to the idea that I needed to forgive him, but in reality, it was I who needed forgiveness from him. No matter what I did as a teen/young adult, I always held that little piece of anger towards him for not being there...and then I had children of my own, and I understood. I understood being ready to do ANYTHING to care for and protect my children and family. How I would sacrifice EVERYTHING I had to make sure that their lives were the best that I could give them. I could never imagine the pain of not being able to see my children grow up. And I see that same pain every time my husband deploys. I know the hurt and the pain and the tears that come from a father who wants desperately to be with his children, but who chose to do right by them, by providing for them, even if it meant he couldn't be there. I have spoken to to my dad about this many times since then. I know the hurt that I have caused him and the regret he still holds for not being around as much as he wanted to be when we were kids. I genuinely believe that my dad has forgiven me for the things I have said in the past. And I honestly believe that this is one of the main reasons that he is such an amazing, loving, and devoted grandfather to my children.

I was a rotten and ungrateful child, I was a bratty teenager and I was a stubborn and bitchy young adult. I wish more than anything in this world, that I could go back to those days and tell those little girl versions of me to just SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY, that one day they would know with all of their hearts that their father loved them and that everything was going to be OK - My dad and I now have an amazing relationship. I consider him a spiritual leader and often discuss religion or seek guidance from him. We both love to write and we talk about writing pretty often too. My father owns his own company and understands what I am going through with my business, offering encouragement and advice. He also recently graduated from college which was a huge motivation for me - inspiring me to return to school and obtain my Business degree. I am so incredibly proud to be his daughter. He is a good man and a good dad, and I just wish that I had realized that sooner*

*OK Kim, breathe in, resume post*

Growing up with one brother was pretty cool, it means I didn't have to share him AND that I would always be his favorite sister! Of course we fought and got on each other's nerves, but we always had each other's backs. Kind of the "She's my sister so I can be a dick to her, but I swear if you hurt her I will beat the ever living piss out of you" mentality. We definitely got into our fair share of adolescent trouble, but we were always there for each other. I always say that no one will ever know your childhood (or life), like the person who lived it with you. And for me, that person was my one and only brother. I have to honestly say that, to this day, my brother is still one of my best friends - past or present, and Hell, even future! He's also the only person allowed to call me out of the blue at 3am, that I WON'T punch in the face...

I know some people might be wishing for some juicy drama here, but honestly, I lived a really normal childhood. My father didn't drink. I was never molested, abused, or neglected. My parents never divorced. I might not have had everything I wanted, but I always had what I needed. I grew up in a Christian home and was baptised at a young age. I excelled in school. I had a lot of friends - I've even had the same best friend since middle school. I was involved in church and school activities. I played softball. I sang in the choir. I was in color guard, and the French Club, and the editor of my high school's literature magazine.

I had hopes, and dreams, and loves of my own...

At 18 years old, I held the world in my hands, and honestly, I wanted it all. Fresh out of high school, my plan was to go to college and obtain a degree in Journalism. I was going to be a foreign war correspondent. I didn't want to stay in my hometown. I didn't want to get married right away. And I sure as heck didn't want any children until I was 30, at least...

I had my life planned out and I knew exactly who I wanted to be... THIS was going to be my future, I just knew it, because at 18 I thought I knew everything...

But life, or maybe God, had other plans for me. Plans that didn't involve going away to school and living in a dorm with my crazy friends. Plans that didn't include a Sorority house. Plans that meant that I would never, could never, do something as dangerous with my life as a foreign war correspondent. No... these plans revolved around morning sickness and back pain. About the shame of being a teenager with a round belly - unmarried, scared, and alone...

Plans for my life that I swore never wanted, melted away with the birth of a wide eyed and moppy headed little boy. Plans to travel the world, turned into walks to the park. Plans to stay up late to study, turned into all nighters with a screaming infant who had GERD (a type of acid reflux).



I was child myself, but here I was living a 'grown up' life. I still went to school, choosing a local college instead of out-of-state, I worked a full-time job as well as a part-time job, just to make those ends meet. I had this tiny little person who never knew about my plans, and looking into his sparkling brown eyes, I'm not much sure I cared... We were in love - Desperately dependant and whole-heartedly devoted to each other. We might have been alone in the world, but dammit, we were never lonely...

Rest Stop, Next Exit...

This is kind of just a mini-post to ease us all into the next two days of blogging.


At this point, I was hoping to be done 'writing about myself,' so to speak, and start moving on to some of the points that Gretchen Rubin makes in her book, 'The Happiness Project.'

However, after writing my post yesterday, I really felt that I needed to touch on my background a little bit. Honestly, I'm not really sure if you guys will get anything out of the next two posts, but this is something that I just really feel that I needed to do for myself.

So without further ado....

Kimberly Who?

I guess in order for you to understand my happiness project, it would help to know who I am. The only problem is...I'm not really sure if I know who I am.

Don't get me wrong, I mean, I can tell you what I do... I can tell you how I spend my days, I can tell you how long I have been married, my philosophies on child-rearing, why I hate my Algebra class... Hell, I can even tell you how to make a great finishing powder. But that's just what I do, It's not who I am. At least, it's not who I want to be... I don't want to be defined as just a wife, or a mother, or a student, or a business owner... As much as I LOVE those parts of my life - I just don't want that to be all there is of me... It's one thing to know your place in society, but I want to really know who I am on a deeper level.

*So I did a little experiment, I asked a few people what they would tell someone who has never met me, about me in order for that person to know "who I am."

This is the exact same phrase I used with everyone I presented this question to:

"If you were to describe me to someone who had never met me, in order for them to know or understand who I am, what would you tell them?"

These are the exact responses I received (no omitting of information/descriptions given):

My husband of 7 years: "Ambitious, with lots of good ideas. Accepting of others and open-minded, while still firm in your beliefs. Friendly, passionate, helping, and headstrong. And you're purdy."

My 6 year old (and only) daughter: "My mom is 'Miss Kim.' She has black hair which is gold on top. She has glasses. She's pretty. She's kind. She's the bestest mommy, and I love my mommy."

My mother: "A very unique individual and very creative. A great sense of style - but it is definitely your own style. Very loving and caring."

A woman I have known for about 2 years (she is a neighbor, a fellow Army wife, and a very close friend IRL): "Fun. Always busy. Sassy, but in a good way."

A woman that I have known for a few months (she is an internet/phone friend - not someone I know IRL. However, I would still consider her a good friend): "An incredibly supportive Military wife. Dedicated to your children. Hard-working and talented, and has a successful MMU (mineral makeup) company. A bit of a spitfire. You're honest, and you love with your whole heart. And you like to curse! But that's funny :)"

A woman that I have known for a few months (she is an internet/phone friend - not someone I know IRL. However, I consider her one of my best friends ever!): "Two words: Grown and Sexy!" - This might not mean a lot to anyone else, but it is a big inside joke for the two of us and I rather enjoy that she used it in this context.

*End Experiment*

Last night when I was thinking about what I would be posting today, I was really nervous about it. I kept going over and over what I would say to you all about myself. I'd love to be able to tell you that I am the perfect candidate for 'Mother of the Year.' Or that I am the ultimate 50's goddess housewife with sparkling floors, spending my days in heels and meeting my husband at the door with a martini in my perfectly manicured hand. I desperately want to tell you that I am always patient and kind and slow to anger... And so many wonderful and beautiful (and mostly bullshit) answers...

This is what I really had to say about myself last night:
I am stubborn. I can be lazy and at times I procrastinate. I am too harsh with my children, often getting upset with them or becoming too strict. I am quick to talk, but slow to listen. I can be uncaring, unloving, and judgemental. I often make snide remarks to husband when I am hurt, just to make him angry. I complain too much, I worry too much, sometimes I can be selfish and ungrateful. I'm fat. I'm not pretty enough. I'm never the best. And yet I still manage to be narcissistic and vain. My house is never, ever completely spotless, and I don't wash my hair everyday. I cuss too much and pray too little. I wait too long to pluck my eyebrows..." And honestly, this list could have gone on and on... One negative thing after another...

*This is where we come back to the beginning of today's post*

I asked my family and my friends to describe me - Just for fun, and for a blog post, and to see what they would say...

They spoke of me with such kindness and sincerity. Listing one good thing about me after another. They were not negative. They were not harsh or mean. Their words made me literally cry from joy. Maybe I am not as imperfect as I think I am Maybe for all of the wrong I feel that I do, maybe I do somethings right as well...

And then a thought occurred to me that I never expected

I speak about myself as if I HATE myself

I say horrible and nasty things to myself on a regular basis. Maybe even the way someone would speak of their worst enemy. I would never say such things to my mom, or my friends. I would never treat another human being this way.. Yet I say them to myself

What a humiliating realization...

I started today's blog and did this experiment to find out if I could get some insight into who I am, based on the opinions of others.

But you know what? It doesn't matter if my husband thinks I'm pretty, or if my friends think I am nice or caring, or even if my children think that I am a good mama. Nothing that anyone can say about me matters, not until I can see it for myself.

*If you only take one thing from this post, I hope it is this:

"Nothing you hear with your ears will EVER rival what you hear with your heart."

If you hold hate in your heart for yourself, all you will see is that hate. All you will see is that negativity. You will never see any of the beauty that you really are. You will never see the amazing and wonderful things that others see in you, until you learn to love yourself. I mean truly, and honestly, love yourself.

Which leads me back to my original question...

Who am I?

Honestly, I'm not really sure yet, I'll have to get back to you on this one...

What I do know is that I am a girl who is learning to fall in love with herself. A girl who is learning to forgive herself...

And I think that is a great place to start...

Scared Shitless...or why I decided to share my life with strangers

It's 6:30am on a beautiful June day in southern Georgia. I have a hot cup of coffee and a cigarette. My children are still asleep, cozy with their blankets and stuffed animals. And my husband returns home today from a month away doing training. All in all, it is looking to be a great day.

But I am scared shitless...

*Let's go back to the beginning, shall we*

The scene opens on a warm and perfect April Sunday. We had gone to church and then had a delicious, and mostly peaceful, lunch. I'm not sure if we were feeling invigorated by the sermon, or maybe just too full to care, but my husband and I decided to do some "quick" shopping. So we paid the bill, packed our four kids back in the car, and headed for the mall. And then it happened...

The oldest three children (ages 8, 6, and 4) started demanding toys, and clothes, and presents. They complained that their feet were hurting. That they were tired, bored, and wanted to leave. The baby needed a diaper change and a bottle, and of course the diaper bag was still in the car. I was unhappy that certain stores didn't have what I was looking for, that we never had enough money to buy what we wanted, that my children were so rude and demanding. I was angry that the baby was screaming and that my husband had left the diaper bag in the car. He was angry that the kids were whining and that I had forgotten to remind him to get the diaper bag out of the car. And we still had at least an hour drive before we got home... Basically, the day was falling apart...

Why had we decided to do this? Why are we so stupid? It always turns out the same way. The details might change, but we always end up so miserable...

We head towards the exit - leaving through Barnes and Noble, because they have a bathroom, and the misery continued... "We want books!" "We want milk and cookies from Starbucks!" "We don't waaant to use the bathroom!" "We just want to go home!" etc etc etc...

My husband takes off towards the bathrooms with the oldest kids in tow and leaves the baby and I (and a giant double stroller) to wander the aisles of books. *Now mind you, I LOVE to read. I adore it with every fiber of my being... And I will read anything - Classics, horror, romance, mystery, self-help, religion, etc. I would probably read an owner's manual if it was the last thing on Earth with written words* "Maybe a new book would make me feel better and not so stressed out?," I thought to myself. I mean, I do love a good escape. So I start eyeballing the tables - you know, the ones with the new or best-selling books on them, to see if anything catches my eye...

I am looking at a table covered in self-help books all relating to happiness or the art of being happier. Not necessarily my thing, but hey, they look interesting. And then a bright blue book titled 'The Happiness Project' catches my eye. It was written by Gretchen Rubin and it chronicles a year she spent trying to be happier. I can get into this. I mean, I don't know how to be happier honestly, but it might be cool to read about how someone else made herself happier. So I snatch this book up, pay the cashier, and we head for the door.

On the ride home, I skim the book... I read the covers. I read the acknowledgements. I read the letter to the reader. I read the part where other people comment on the book. I even start the first chapter. I decide that I hate this book... Not because it is bad, or poorly written. But it is making me look at my life, I mean really look at it. "Am I happy?," I think to myself. Well of course I am. I have my bad days, but I love my family and my life... But could I be HAPPIER?

I spend the next two months reading and putting away, and then returning to this book. That's right, it has taken me two months to come to this decision...

*Return to present day, and me being a total wussy pants...

After reading through this book, I have decided to do my own happiness project. I have made some realizations about my life that I will discuss in upcoming posts, and then I will be devoting a year of my life to 'becoming happier.' Or at least trying. This entire month will be devoted to preparation for my happiness project. I will discuss who I am and what I want from life, as well as my family and other points she writes about in the book. July first will be my first 'actual' day of my happiness project and my goal is to blog EVERYDAY for the next year on my progress, successes and failures, what I am doing, learning, changing, etc...

And this is why I am scared... It's a hard and uncomfortable feeling to look at your life and realize that it's not what you expected to be, that YOU are not who you expected to be, or that you are not as happy as you could be. Even more so to share it with strangers. But I hope my journey will inspire you, just as Gretchen Rubin's journey has inspired me.

Until tomorrow...